he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
