i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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