About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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