Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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