My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
