I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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