he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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