Buhtt sex?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
