We're facebook friends in real life
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
