Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
