I think im going to throw up on grandma
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
