YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.