is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?