Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
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Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
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We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.