its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.