how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
