I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
