Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
