I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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