I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
