I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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