there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
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I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
How external is "for external use only"?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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