it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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