So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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