Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
