Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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