we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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