He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
