...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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