stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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