Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
