Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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