make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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