Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
