I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
