We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
