I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
