what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
