i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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