He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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