We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
