just tell him i said nine months
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
