i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
