Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
