yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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