I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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