I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Fuck appropriateness.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
