My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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