I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
