It's Friday. Sex?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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