I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
