So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
