Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
