I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
