hotel room ftw
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
