so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
