I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
