i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
