I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
