Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
