38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
