apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
